1. Overall arc is good... story feels complete, and the cyclical return to the train pulls everything together, (perhaps some media like a newspaper or posters on the tunnel walls?).
2. Many cuts are too quick. You do need the accelerated pacing, but start with a slightly longer beat and then accelerate.. like the percussion in the music you have in the sound, maybe?
3. Keep thinking about the title. (Specifically, none of the stories are lullabies, per se, but are fables and faerie tales...
Wow, this is a lot more dynamic than it looked as still frames. I love the addition of the KOR theme--that's pure genius. It's too bad there have to be multiple songs. If it was long enough it could a music video. Do you have to get permission from the artist to include it?
The color drafts look a-okay. I liked that Red Riding Hood only has the one off-red hoody, and is otherwise totally in black and white. It reminded me of Yasuda Suzuhito's "Minus R" in ROBOT. You're probably not going to keep it like that, I know. Still. It was neat.
I still don't understand the opening with the trippy Nausicaa imagery and kanji for Mushi. Is that the name of your studio or the name of the animation?
The flickering lights on the train was a really good idea. So was the first pull out into the monitor where Red's image is distorted for a brief second. Might want to stretch that out to a full second to put more emphasis on the transition.
Did you want the camera to zoom in on a slanted monitor? It seems sort of odd.
What is that music when the Gingerbread Man is morphing into existence? It's a pretty cool piece, it's too bad you couldn't use more of it.
I was right, that scene with Red walking down the street is pretty awesome. It really does remind me of SE Lain.
The flashlight bit is still too fast to indicate what she's doing. You might want to do something like make the image progressively darker starting as she runs into the alley and then have the bottom of the stairs be completely dark so the audience can understand why she would need a flashlight without having to think about it.
The part with wolf boy grabbing Jerry Curl Ginger Smurf is beautiful stupid. I like the way the colors fly and swirl amid a white universe. I saw what you were trying to do with the gun coming out of his head but... if I didn't know to look for it, I wouldn't have seen it (i didn't see it the first time through) except that I know what i'm looking for.
Wait, why does she have red boots too? I do like the cherry lip gloss. That was a nice touch. Ohh, okay I'm starting to get it. You want the audience to identify the character from their shoes first? That's smart.
You should totally make a visible bullet wound on this guy. Like a blotch of red or pink against the blue or something.
Might want a lighter green for the vitals display. That's like a hunter green. Were you going for a monochrome yellow on green?
The dime bag is green. LOL.
Her boots lost their color?
Last scene looks pretty good. You might want to make the moon the same color as the lamb. For one thing your last transition is a closeup on the lamb and you are trying to tie it all together. For another, that's a pretty good moon-like color but different enough from the norm to make you think.
1. Overall arc is good... story feels complete, and the cyclical return to the train pulls everything together, (perhaps some media like a newspaper or posters on the tunnel walls?).
ReplyDelete2. Many cuts are too quick. You do need the accelerated pacing, but start with a slightly longer beat and then accelerate.. like the percussion in the music you have in the sound, maybe?
3. Keep thinking about the title. (Specifically, none of the stories are lullabies, per se, but are fables and faerie tales...
American: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gingerbread_Boy
Brothers Grimm (from long-standing folk tales): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_red_riding_hood
Attributed to Aesop: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_who_cried_wolf
...so keep thinking about it.
Wow, this is a lot more dynamic than it looked as still frames. I love the addition of the KOR theme--that's pure genius. It's too bad there have to be multiple songs. If it was long enough it could a music video. Do you have to get permission from the artist to include it?
ReplyDeleteThe color drafts look a-okay. I liked that Red Riding Hood only has the one off-red hoody, and is otherwise totally in black and white. It reminded me of Yasuda Suzuhito's "Minus R" in ROBOT. You're probably not going to keep it like that, I know. Still. It was neat.
I still don't understand the opening with the trippy Nausicaa imagery and kanji for Mushi. Is that the name of your studio or the name of the animation?
The flickering lights on the train was a really good idea. So was the first pull out into the monitor where Red's image is distorted for a brief second. Might want to stretch that out to a full second to put more emphasis on the transition.
Did you want the camera to zoom in on a slanted monitor? It seems sort of odd.
What is that music when the Gingerbread Man is morphing into existence? It's a pretty cool piece, it's too bad you couldn't use more of it.
I was right, that scene with Red walking down the street is pretty awesome. It really does remind me of SE Lain.
The flashlight bit is still too fast to indicate what she's doing. You might want to do something like make the image progressively darker starting as she runs into the alley and then have the bottom of the stairs be completely dark so the audience can understand why she would need a flashlight without having to think about it.
The part with wolf boy grabbing Jerry Curl Ginger Smurf is beautiful stupid. I like the way the colors fly and swirl amid a white universe. I saw what you were trying to do with the gun coming out of his head but... if I didn't know to look for it, I wouldn't have seen it (i didn't see it the first time through) except that I know what i'm looking for.
Wait, why does she have red boots too? I do like the cherry lip gloss. That was a nice touch. Ohh, okay I'm starting to get it. You want the audience to identify the character from their shoes first? That's smart.
You should totally make a visible bullet wound on this guy. Like a blotch of red or pink against the blue or something.
Might want a lighter green for the vitals display. That's like a hunter green. Were you going for a monochrome yellow on green?
The dime bag is green. LOL.
Her boots lost their color?
Last scene looks pretty good. You might want to make the moon the same color as the lamb. For one thing your last transition is a closeup on the lamb and you are trying to tie it all together. For another, that's a pretty good moon-like color but different enough from the norm to make you think.
K it's way past my bedtime. "Keep on dancing!"